


Monster

by feralmermaids



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Childhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 17:31:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15539382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feralmermaids/pseuds/feralmermaids
Summary: Azula and Zuko's mother has recently left. Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee (still children) discuss her sudden departure. There is a flashback about the first time Azula was called a monster by her mother.





	Monster

**Author's Note:**

> This is my take on the first time Ursa called Azula a monster.  
> I posted it on tumblr in 2012 when I was 16. Today someone commented on it and I re-read it. Surprisingly I still quite like it and thought I'd share it here as well. I don't even feel the need to edit it. The original title was "Bittersweet", but turns out I don't like it anymore.  
> (I'd also like to get around to actually continuing my AU "ROGUE", the intro of which I posted here a long time ago)

“So she just… left?” asked Mai, eyes narrowing, who still found Princess Ursa’s mysterious flight hard to believe.

“Yeah.” Azula answered with a shrug.

“But… where did she go?” Ty Lee’s expression was a mixture of concern and confusion.

“I told you, nobody knows.” Azula snapped irritably. “And dad won’t tell me.” she added quietly. Her tone was bitter.

The three girls were sitting on Azula’s four poster bed; Azula leaning against the post at the left corner of the foot of the bed, Mai close to the headboard and Ty Lee cross-legged between them.

Azula followed Mai’s gaze. She was looking out of the large window to the palace gardens, where a morose-looking Zuko was feeding the turtle ducks with chunks of bread.

“He’s been this way since he found out she left.” said Azula indifferently. “If he keeps on like that, the Fire Nation’s bread supplies will run out. Either that or the turtle ducks will die from being overfed.” She said the last words with a hint of a smile that vanished as quickly as it had appeared.

“Azula, I’m so sorry…” offered Ty Lee, putting a hand on the Princess’s shoulder. Azula threw it off.

“I’m not!” she spat angrily. “I’m glad she’s gone!” The Princess seemed to regret her sudden outburst. “She hated me anyway…” she mumbled, folding her arms defensively.

“Azula, that’s not true! You know it’s not.” said Ty Lee reassuringly, moving closer to the Princess, but not touching her this time.

“Yeah, moms don’t… hate their children.” said Mai reasonably, as though explaining the most obvious thing in the world. 

Azula’s gaze moved upwards to the tester of her bed. She looked like she was trying to make a decision. Should she tell them or not? Azula heard the rustle of Mai’s robes against the mattress; she had moved closer too. The Princess could feel her friends’ eyes on her, she knew they were trying to tell what she was thinking but did not dare ask. The memories of the previous day came flooding back.

“Stop it! You’re lying! Dad would never do that to me!” Zuko burst out after her taunts about their father sacrificing him. 

“Your father would never do what to you? What is going on here?” Her mother’s voice made her jump. She always came at the wrong moment, always caught Azula in the act. Then Ursa said it was time for a talk. Dread filled her gut as her mother’s hand closed around her wrist and led her outside Zuko’s chambers; these “talks” never ended well.

“Azula, you have to stop terrorizing your brother.” Ursa was holding Azula’s hands in hers. “Why do you keep doing this? Does seeing him so upset make you happy?”

Azula scowled and looked away. Ursa gently placed a hand on her daughter’s jaw, forcing the young Princess to look at her. “Honey, you need to stop lying. How am I supposed to make you understand that?” she said softly.

“I wasn’t lying!” Azula retorted. She knew her mother was pretending to be nice to her so that she would leave her precious little Zuko alone and that enraged her. “Everything I told him was true! I did not make it up!”

Ursa looked puzzled. “What did you tell him?”

Azula allowed herself a smirk of satisfaction; she had taken control of the conversation. “I told him dad is going to sacrifice him.”

Azula relished the effect her words had on her mother. Ursa initially looked horrified. Then her expression turned so stern it made the young girl gulp. “Azula this is not something you can joke about. Where did you hear such a thing?”

Azula decided to tell her mother everything. She wasn’t going to miss the chance to make her feel powerless. Zuko was in danger and there was nothing Ursa could do about it. Azula wanted her mother to know that. That would show her. “I overheard dad’s audience with grandfather. Dad asked him to revoke uncle Iroh’s right to the throne.” At this point Ursa gasped. And she didn’t even know what was coming next… “Grandfather was furious with dad and decided to punish him. He said father must suffer like uncle has suffered. He said he must know the pain of losing a firstborn son by sacrificing his own.” Pleased with herself she turned to leave but her mother wouldn’t let go.

“What?!” Ursa was beside herself. “Azula, are you serious?” Her mother seized her shoulders and shook her. “This isn’t funny, young lady!”

“Let go of me! I told you, I’m not lying!” Azula had a sudden desire to run away from her mother. The situation had gotten too serious, she could see it in Ursa’s eyes. “Why are you so upset, anyway? He’s always been a weakling and an embarrassment to the royal family. Good riddance if you ask me…” The moment the words had left her mouth she knew she had said too much. She had let panic and spite get the better of her.

Ursa was so dumbfounded that she froze. Azula tried to take advantage of her mother’s state of shock to break free, but Ursa’s grip was firm. A few moments later Ursa found her voice and turned scarlet with anger. “He is your brother! You have the same blood!” Azula’s heart was pounding against her chest as she gritted her teeth and pulled hard to escape Ursa’s grip, but to no avail. “How can you speak of him this way? How can you be such a monster?” Azula stopped moving and looked at her mother in disbelief. Ursa seemed to regret saying it the instant she had said it, but the damage was done. At that moment Azula managed to release herself and backed away for a few steps, eyes wide. 

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean-”

But Azula did not stay to hear the rest. She turned around and ran across the torch lit corridor, ran as fast as her legs could carry her, wanting to put as much distance as possible between her and Princess Ursa . She ran until she reached her chambers, where she slammed the door shut behind her, pressed her back against it and slid down, trying to catch her breath. It wasn’t until she tasted something salty that she realised she was crying, and loathed herself for it. 

Azula finally averted her eyes from the tester, taking a deep breath as she licked her lips, and looked at Mai straight in the eye. “Has your mother ever called you a monster, Mai?" 

They both reacted as she had expected them to. Ty Lee’s eyes went very wide and she brought her hands to her mouth. Mai’s eyebrows rose far up her forehead, her lips parted. 

"Your mom called you a monster?” she asked, her eyebrows contracting now.

Azula nodded and looked away. A heavy silence fell upon the girls, a silence Ty Lee broke.

“I’m sure she didn’t mean it.” she said “Maybe she was just upset, you know?”

The Princess chuckled. That was exactly what Ursa had said.

“Oh look at you, making up rubbish to make me feel better.” she threw at Ty Lee, who recoiled.

“But you’re not a monster, Azula…” said the girl quietly. Azula said nothing.

“You can’t seriously think that she meant it, right?” said Mai. “I mean… it was nasty, but she’s your mother, she can’t have meant it.”

“Of course she meant it.” the Princess retorted. “It all makes sense now, why she always reprimanded me, why she always favored my brother when I was obviously so much better than him… I knew she didn’t like me but that was just… Uh. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised." 

Ty Lee was hugging her leg, resting her chin on her knee, still keeping some distance between them, but her eyes never leaving the Princess. Mai kept her hands and gaze in her lap, but was listening to Azula’s every word.

Azula frowned. Why was she being so ridiculous? Why was she showing such weakness and especially in front of others? It went against everything she had learnt from her father. She should have restrained herself, she shouldn’t have let this happen.

"And she left without saying goodbye?” asked Ty Lee timidly, breaking the silence once again.

“Oh she tried.” Azula replied. Somehow she didn’t mind Ty Lee asking that question.

“What do you mean?” her friend pressed on.

Azula raised her eyebrow. “I didn’t let her. I made her leave my chambers.” she said firmly, in an attempt to regain some of her dignity; it didn’t seem enough though.

“Why am I even telling you this?” She got off the bed and walked across her bedroom to the veranda attached to it. She rested her elbows on the banister and leaned against it. Azula knew that Mai and Ty Lee were exchanging looks now that her back was turned, something she could easily have avoided by not telling them anything in the first place, but she forced that thought out of her mind. She let her gaze travel down at the Palace Gardens until she spotted her brother again, throwing bread in the pond. The mere sight of him was pathetic. He missed their mother. And as much as she hated to admit it, even to herself, Azula shared that feeling. Why? That was beyond her. What did she miss exactly? 

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard footsteps behind her, but did not bother turning around. Mai leaned against the banister next to her and Ty Lee started to rub the Princess’s back in an attempt to comfort her.

“Oh no…” Mai grumbled. “I really hate sunsets. Orange mixed with pink make me nauseous.

Azula looked up at the sky; the sun was indeed setting. To her surprise, she laughed, much to Mai’s satisfaction, who joined in along with Ty Lee. The silence that fell when they stopped laughing was pleasant and warm, as opposed to the previous ones. 

Unable to contain herself, Ty Lee wrapped her arms around Azula’s waist in a tight hug the Princess knew was coming. She glanced at Mai, who shrugged in amusement. Azula thought about it for a fraction and then hugged Ty Lee back.

"You can let go now” she said a couple of moments later. Ty Lee obeyed without protesting; Azula rarely returned her affections.

As the Princess watched the sun sink behind the Palace walls with Mai and Ty Lee at her side, she realized that right then she had something her brother didn’t have. And maybe confiding in her friends wasn’t such a bad idea, after all.


End file.
